A Bad Chef's Dish
by Nekoshinko
Summary: Just Mattie's regular day... Simply watching Arthur intimidate people with his cooking. Fail summary is fail. One-shot. Short first-person narrative.


He began fidgeting with his scarf, and purple eyes shifted around, searching for an exit. He was cornered and he knew it. Arthur was... less than pleased that Ivan refused to eat the food that he had prepared. I was watching at a distance, grateful that I was quite invisible to the British chef.

"Eat it, or so help me, I swear I will place the strongest curse that I know on you!" For Arthur, this was a major and dangerous threat. For Ivan, not so much.

"Then is getting off easy, да?" The Russian relaxed a little more as Arthur became livid and clenched his fists. I found it to be a rather funny scene, eh? Ivan was at least a foot taller than Arthur, and twice as strong to boot. Yet not two minutes ago, the intimidating Russian was trembling at the sight of blackened... scones? Well, whatever they were, they looked and smelled _disgusting_.

While I was assessing the situation, Ivan had somehow slipped out of the room, leaving me with an angry Brit who had just noticed my presence.

"Who are you?" he demanded to know.

"I'm Matthew Williams... You practically raised me..." I returned. That hoser should remember me!

"Hmm... The name does not seem familiar..." I had enough. While he was in lost in thought, I got up and escaped from the room.

Not to soon afterward, I ran into Ivan. Literally. I fell to the ground while he was barely phased. What a way to be noticed... He held out his hand in an offer to help me up.

"Is to be more careful, да?" The giant Russian had the creepiest smile I had ever seen...

"Uh, _oui_," I had barely managed to squeak. Hesitantly, I took his hand. Ivan then pulled me up quickly.

"Matvey lived with Arthur once, да?" The look on his face was similar to that of an inquisitive child.

"_Oui_..." I was trying not to remember when I was forced to eat that... stuff is too kind of a term for it. Ivan's expression changed from a curious guise to one of remorse and disgust.

"I am sorry, да? How did Matvey survive?"

"Ugh... With the way that hoser cooks, it wasn't easy..."

"Да, is certain..." Ivan shuddered, probably at the thought of having to eat Arthur's food everyday. Lord knows I do... It makes me curious, though...

"Hey, Ivan?"

"Да, Matvey?"

"Have you ever dealt with a sort of daily... discomfort? One you didn't think you could run from?" His eyes turned a few shades darker... That was a stupid question to ask him... I sounded like such a flatliner!

"... Да. Would not like to talk of it, да?"

"... Sorry... _C'etait une question stupide_..." Ivan slightly chuckled.

"нет, is not dumb question." Oh, maple... He knows French...

My twin brother, Alfred, broke the awkward conversation by running right past us, screaming something about being the hero and ghosts and... I think I heard something about ketchup in there... He usually says things that don't make much sense.

"I don't understand how we're even related..." My lament was met with sympathetic eyes.

"Understanding how Matvey is feeling, ? Is surrounded by idiots often..." I think I nearly heard a bell tolling in the distance when he said that... I shivered from sudden chills coursing up and down my spine.

"Well... Hey, it's getting kind of late, eh? Talk to you later?" Ivan warmly smiled.

"Да. Is looking forward to it, да?"

"Right. Au revoir."

"до свидания." And so, I walked home and did what I normally do: have dinner, feed Kumagachi (or whatever the heck his name is...), take a shower and go to bed. This is pretty much my everyday. At least I didn't get sat on... again.

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**A/N**: Hello, peoples! This is my first ... umm... "story"? Well, this is my first thing on here. And this is also the first Hetalia related thing that I have done for a class. My English class, to be more specific. We had to write in dialects and first person. Ehehe... Fail Canadian accent is fail. Oh, well.

Rate and Review please! It makes Iggy face happy!

Olll

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Olll


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